Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize
