dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
Randomize
