im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
Randomize