Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
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