After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize
