She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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