Already got asked if we're dating
I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
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