Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
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