yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
She has the best kind of daddy issues
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
Randomize
