I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
Randomize
