Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
Randomize