Rock
Scissors
Fuck
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
