It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
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