It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
Randomize
