Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
Randomize