stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
I think a kid would responsible me up
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
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