He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
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