Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
Randomize
