Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
Randomize
