I just pynch a tree in the face
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
Randomize
