3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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