It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
Randomize
