Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
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