Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
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