I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
Randomize
