He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
Randomize
