whats a polygalesbian?
lesbian polygamists..duh.
He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
Randomize
