when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
Randomize
