So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
Randomize
