never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
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