Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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