Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
Randomize
