On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
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