Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
I'm too high and old for this...
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
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