47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
Randomize
