the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
