yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
3 2 1 whiskey
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
Randomize
