Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
Randomize
