The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
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