I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
Randomize
