you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
Edward fifth and chaser hands
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
Randomize
