After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
Randomize
