Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Randomize
