If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
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