NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
