What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize
