i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
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