random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
At least life still wants to fuck me.
as a side note pls kill me
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
