Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Randomize
