Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
Randomize
