we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
Randomize
