Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
I'd cum for enchiladas.
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
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