Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
Randomize
