just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
Randomize
