turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
Randomize
