wrigley field is MILF paradise
At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
Randomize
