Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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