I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Randomize
