I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
Randomize
